Mediterranean Climate, you are having a laugh.....

Along this part of the Coast all the publicity hype states how wonderful the climate here is because it's similar to that of the Mediterranean.  It's January, which means it's the equivalent to July, well can I just mention, I have never known anyone on the Mediterranean in July to get out of bed just past midnight and get a blanket and then about 3am get another blanket, it was cold last night, think it got down to 13 degrees.  This morning, I started off with T shirt but ended up in Rugby Shirt whilst out looking for a certain type of bird someone wanted to see.......
We stick to the Coast, starting at Poison Point, now remember I mentioned about the Oz practical use of names, we get there it's on the sea and what a stink, we think it was rotting Algae but put it like this we saw nothing alive there and we stayed just long enough to reach the sea and walk back.......
We need some bracing sea air, so off to Lights Beach and I notice we are being followed, get there and not a light in sight, except for the blue and red light on top of the Police car right behind us, we pull in, they pull in, I get out they get out, I pull out my camera they say hello and go to the car we parked next to...........  We walk off and come across 4 black Cockatoo's, these guys are characters and it's almost as if they are playing with us, but then, you guessed it along comes the nutty woman....... She thinks it's Winter as well as she is wrapped up in a shawl, only it's now midday, sunny and warm...... She starts talking about the Cockatoo's being funny to watch, almost human at times and then their prehistoric look and a stuffed one somewhere whilst I'm looking at her wrist to see if she has a hospital name tag on it........
The Cockatoo's are off and we quickly follow walking along a sand dune path through the scrub only to suddenly come to an abrupt halt after being eye balled by a snake on the path who confused us with Mrs Nutty and made a very rapid exit.
Next stop is Monkey Rock, a prominent granite rock surrounded by forest that if you stand on your head after drinking two bottles of cider, wearing only a sock, whilst singing 'I'm a believer' you can see a monkeys features in the granite..........
We stop at Ocean Beach for a late lunch and watch the life guard watching two imbeciles in kayaks going further from the shore over 4ft waves and the youngsters on holiday jumping, diving through the waves as they break, oh it takes me back....... No, not to being in a kayak silly.....
Enough beach let's do the Harewood Forest walk and half hour later we find ourselves meandering along a path in between 45m Karri trees, with the paper bark falling all around us and hundreds of butterflies posing for photographs. We cannot tell if any thing else is in the forest as the falling paper bark keeps making a similar sound to that of an animal moving in the undergrowth..... I give in, let's go shopping....... 
As we are loading the groceries into the van, someone becomes unduly excitable, which I thought strange as she does not like broccoli, but no it's because outside the van are several fairy wrens grabbing an early dinner and so, I end up staying in a supermarket car park with my big one fully extended out of the vans window......... 

    Performing for the Camera

    Nutty Lady alert, Nutty Lady Alert......

    Monkey Rock

    Lights Beach

    Just a little rough for me today......

Do you want to know my Secret.........

"No!" I say, "I'll tell you it later"
Someone mentioned to me that 'Monkeys like trees' well eek eek, we're off to the 'Valley of the Giants' a forest of Tingle trees, where they have a 420 metre long Tree Top Walk on a lightweight suspension bridge, 40 metres (132ft) in the air........
We get to the park, shall I tell her now, I think?  Not yet wait until after we have done the Ancient Empire Walk through the bottom of the forest, which was going well until, the children arrived, why bring them on something like this when they are not in the slightest bit interested, just so they can run about make a huge amount of noise, spoiling it for those that want to be there? It's not just me that's unhappy with them, someone has had her photograph of a Blue Fairy Wren ruined by the child 75 ft in front of his parents...... Still it's peaceful where they are I bet, she says.......
Two tickets for the skywalk please and one minute later we are walking up the ramp, shall I tell her, no bit late now!  For those of you that are not aware, having little legs means you are normally always close to the ground, which should you have a fear of heights, is awfully useful.  However finding yourself walking up into the tree tops on a narrow metal bridge, when you have such a fear, means you might as well be wearing my underpants........  

Onward and upward she goes and gets to the first corner, where she stops, waits, gauges, assesses and looks at me with a face I've not seen before and utters the words, "It's moving" I reply "Tut, now you know my secret........"  
Yes dear reader, the whole structure sways, bounces and shimmies as you and everyone else are walking on it.  I advise my little lady with her head 137 ft above the ground, that it's designed like that, perfectly safe and is not as high as the trees I had climbed......
Oh the relief in her face, it still wasn't there......... But she persevered, carried on walking and did the whole sky walk without vomiting, she actually did a large part of it on her own as it was taking me much longer crawling around on my hands and knees with my eyes shut...... So CONGRATULATIONS Little legs, another achievement with a tick in the box........
Those of you that have been to Javea are aware that we look out onto a mountain called 'Montgo' and that it appears from some angles to look like a sleeping Elephant, with that in mind we go to see what 'Elephant Rocks' in Denmark, the town in Australia, not the country, looks like.  We arrive in the car park and what I like about the camper van is, before we set off, we can have a cuppa.  Now whilst sitting consuming said cuppa, along comes a couple, who appear slightly older than us and this is frightening, it could be me in a few days I mean years time....... They open the boot and put their stuff in, then get in the car via the front doors, sit there for a few minutes before starting up and reversing out in front of us and then whilst I'm pressing the vans horn, they drive off at a great speed of knots with the boot still open...........
Elephant Rocks is supposed to resemble a herd of Elephants paddling in the water, maybe I just was at a different angle but at no time did I see these large rounded granite boulders appear to be a heard of Elephants.  Notwithstanding that, it is an extremely attractive location and different because of the boulders, my photos do not do it justice, and around the corner is another equally attractive place called 'Green Pools' where a lot of families were swimming, I asked them about the water temperature and they all said it was warm, even though it's the Southern Ocean.  Might try it out for myself tomorrow........
And now we are in one of the nicest campsites of our stay so far, it's just outside of Denmark on a bend in a river, it's called 'River Bend' ......... This is something we have noticed, in how practical the Australians are with their street names, Library Rd, Beach Rd, Inlet Cres, Coast Highway, Rifle Way but we have never ever seen a ' Cul de Sac' and our favourite is the sign on the opposite side to a dual carriageway, " WRONG WAY - GO BACK "

    I'm a high flying, high flying bird.......

    Elephants paddling in the Sea.......

     Elephant Rocks Beach with two people on the middle rock, grrrrrrrr!

    Green Pools

Mummy, Please can I.....

When I was a little boy, my Mother would always say to me " Stephen, lift your head up" as I constantly looked for a discarded sixpence in the road as she wouldn't give me any pocket money......... Today, I am now officially asking my Mummy for permission to look down and see where I'm stepping......... 
As my eyes open I wiggle my toes and lo and behold, 1. I can feel them. 2. It does not hurt (as much). I'm up and we are soon off to Nornalup National Park to see the Breaking waves of the Southern Ocean, whilst also keeping a look out for any sea going mammals, from Conspicuous Cliff.  What can I say, totally underwhelming, the only good point was talking to the two council workmen preserving the boardwalk.  Next stop Peaceful Bay, whilst it should be peaceful due to being unattractive it was heaving with boats, fishermen, kids from the campsite and two female sand robbers....... They had driven down and were keeping tabs on me as I wandered about looking around, according to my other set of safety eyes and then when they were satisfied I was no threat, they got out their sack and spade, walked over to the soft sand next to us and started to fill the sack up, I could not resist the opportunity to make a fuss over the photo I was taking of them.........
Okay the day will improve, especially as we are heading towards circular pool, described as an oasis on the Frankland river, whilst en-route one of the cars in front of us must have just driven over a Tiger snake as by the time we had turned around, walked back up to it, it was no longer moving just simply another piece of road kill, damn we thought.  Circular pool we try to be positive, but the Frankland river is now just a trickle and the pool has a distinct green tinge, so off to a lookout, lunch and a up lifting cup of tea........ 
And now for the piece de resistance I say, the Giant Tingle Tree, I try and make it sound as exciting as possible to her suffering from wren withdrawal symptoms, but there is only so much even I can BS about a tree with a hole in it........ We arrive and follow the path, reading the signs along the way, I'm in front and read about the red winged fairy wren flitting across the very path we are on, We turn around and both go look, there 6 ft in front of us is a 4ft Brown Snake sunbathing but what with the movement of us going for our cameras, it slips silently into the scrub....... The tingle tree, the giant one that is, is actually more impressive than we first thought, it's been through at least two bush fires, which is what has hollowed out its insides, is 400 yrs old and can apparently fit 100 people inside its girth at the bottom.  So that's it, the excitement is over, back to the van, during which time I am not looking at the ground but in the trees for a red winged fairy wren when my safety eyes for the third time this holiday, shrieks, "Looooooooook" I turn around and down alongside my right foot, within striking distance is a five and half foot Brown Snake........ He is not phased by our presence, sticks his tongue out and looks around at us as we move away whilst holding cameras up to our eyes......  She moves towards what appears to her to be the smallest bit of prey until her tongue picks up on my male pheromones, another pair of underpants ruined, she slithers towards me and I get some good shots from directly above her, until I fainted...... Apparently she slid silently into the scrub, thinking why waste my venom, he would have been a pain in the arse anyway..........

    Conspicuous Cliffs

    Lunch Time

    The Tongle Tree Bottom

    Fe Fi Fo Fum I smell the pheromones of an English man

    Snake joke: What's the similarity between Steve's pants and me?

    Answer:       We are the same colour...........

Forest Overload

As I was consuming my medication last night in the hotel bar, it started to rain ever so slightly, so with only one of us needing said medication it was decided to return home before it got too wet and messy due to the leaf mulch patch we were camped on.  We did that and settled in to a riveting night of Australian TV, during which we could hear thunder in the distance with the odd spot of rain on us.

This morning having awoken with the song 'These legs were made for walking' ringing in my ears but with literally nothing working below my waist, I used one of the muscles left functioning normally and turned on the TV news.  OMG we have the bad fire to the North of us, a new fire to the west of us and another to the East of us, started by the thunder and lightening from last night.  The Southern Ocean and Antartica are south of us so we decided South it is.  My normal 2 second jump from the van has turned into a 30 second swing from the steering wheel, a grapple with the wing mirror, followed by a ten foot waddle before I can resemble a human walking but looking extremely similar to John Cleese in a famous tv sketch........ I refuse to shower again with the flies, moths, bugs and other creepy crawlies so head back to the van, where I suddenly see a van that appears to be camouflaged as a Brown and White zebra........ We wanted rain to clean the van but it now looks worse than it did, so after breakfast we break another campsite rule (water is a valuable commodity) and rinse the van over, at least now it's a uniform dirty van.......

Then whilst en-route today South to Walpole we deviate and undertake a 23 kms drive along the Great Forest Tree Drive, it's one way and on dirt........ It takes us over an hour during which we did not see a thing, in fact, we find ourselves 3 kms back along the road we had travelled in on, not a happy bunny..........

We arrive at campsite, right down on the coast, if we go any further South our wheels will get wet, but as we reverse into our site we are approached by a female who has rushed across from the laundry to say, we might have a problem with going so far back and her guide ropes.  Now normally I'll help and oblige anyone, but today is not a good day for me, however had she approached in a friendly way, my reply of " More a problem for you than us" would have sounded something similar to, okay thanks for pointing that out, I'll pull forward two feet........ Don't understand why Julie is laughing at that bit.....

Needless to say she storms off and I put another nail in the coffin of Oz / UK relations....

I see the cleaner finish cleaning the Gents toilet block and Whoooooooooooosh, I hobble over and basically get an invigorating pressure wash the water pressure being so high.......

I am then taken on a 4km walk around and through Walpole knoll, basically another forest, looking for anything with either four legs, no legs, two wings, a tail even eight legs but we see nothing other than a Kookaburra, which my pain sensors are still of the opinion, it was not worth it.

So we are now flat out on our backs in the van and do not intend to move again today and all the time our unfriendly neighbours are taking a short cut across our site as if to prove a point. Tomorrow I do hope my legs are going to be better as we will have some fun with said 'We are real camper bullies' and as he is bigger than me, I'll need them to run away........

    23 kms of this

    And this

  

    Our natural fire break.

There is Stupid, Very Stupid, Incredibly Stupid and then Steve......

After posting last night I thought what do we do tomorrow and started to read the local publicity pamphlets, WHAT! the Gloucester tree is one of three fire look out trees and is not the tallest......
So when we awoke this morning I had to slide out of bed and before having to step down from the van onto the earth outside the door without the aid of a fireman's emergency rescue inflatable bed, I  suddenly had the urge to rush out and buy a walking frame........  Needless to say whilst Pemberton is a town that bears a slight resemblance to something similar to normal, they do not have a walking frame shop.  So two hours later when I am standing at the bottom of the Dave Evans Bicentennial Tree, thinking are you sure or what, I step onto the first of 165 metal bars sticking out of the side of this tree and move forward...... Stupidity does not come into it, insanity does when I feel the muscles in my thigh scream out saying oh no not again and for the next eight minutes I continue onwards and upwards until I am 75m (247ft) above the forest floor.  YES, I did it and what do I get for it, I get a similar view to that of yesterday, tree tops.......... But then eight black Cockatoo's set off from a tree top with a squawk and I'm watching them fly through the forest from above them........ 
And now for the difficult bit, going down, because the bars are at different angles and different spaces, you have to look down so as to see where you are putting your feet but you can obviously see there is a lot of space between them and the ground at the same time........  I'm on my way down as a woman is coming up, I ask for her to wait at the 25m platform, which she gladly does.  After asking me about the next bit, she comes down immediately behind me and jumps into the arms of her husband and child, she then pushes me out of the way and cuddles them properly.........

I am now walking, like I have never walked before and with the aid of crampons and a harness I get back into the drivers seat and head for Windy Harbour via Northcliffe, where I am hopeful of a rejuvenating   Cappuccino...........   Just how stupid can one person be, Northcliffe, Cappuccino in the same sentence........ It's another town of about forty houses, 9 roads, a School, a Cemetery and a Pioneer museum, which is basically someone's front room........ We get to windy harbour which is not a lot better and put the kettle on, whilst listening to some of the jobsworth volunteers arguing over cleaning the Sea Rescue Boat....... It appears as if the brave men who man the boat when at sea all managed to find something else to do instead of getting involved between Mr Ivor Gotta-Medal and Mrs Up Ones-Bottom..........
We do the sights and one of us who by now is impersonating a duck as he walks, becomes a naughty boy in the eyes of her who shalt not break any rules, as he disregards the No Entry / Path Closed sign and eventually gazes upon the natural phenomenon called 'Natures Window'.  As he climbs back up hill he is thinking, in a weeks time, you will laugh about this..... Oh Scotty, please beam me up now.........
We drive the 50k back to Pemberton but drive straight past the campsite, "Where you going" I hear, I reply" to the doctors, my legs are jelly, they need some iron "  we then pull into the Pemberton Hotel car park, go inside and I order two pints of Guinness......... Job done! I feel so much better and can 100% guarantee, I will not be climbing any trees tomorrow..........

For those of you with the word "Why" on your lips, the answer is, "Because it's there and it's the biggest"............,

   Look carefully and you will see a bottom towards the top......

    Natures Window.

    Salmon Beach

    Tookulup Lookout

We are an Embarrassment

Squawk, Screech, Croooochew, translated from Bird language means, good morning campers, it's half past four, we are awake so are you now.......  The joys of being back to nature are fading fast on me, first I have fellow campers, I don't want to go there, second I have the toilet blocks, I certainly don't want to go there........ And thirdly even though our clothes are washed in the machines, they never look clean or feel really fresh.  We have now began to wear and wash the same clothes over and over, then just leave them behind when we return home, which is a bit of a bugger as every time I walk past a 'Billabong' shop I go in and buy a new pair of shorts, have four new pairs at the mo, waiting to be worn.........

Today we are not sure if it's cloudy or still the smoke from the fire, the fire of course is the main news item on TV and has not improved over night, giving the broadcasters access to some really dramatic footage and photos to broadcast.  We though are going to do the Karri Forest Trail drive, waterfalls, Rapids and the Gloucester Tree......

The Gloucester Tree is a fire lookout tree in the middle of the forest, it's 59 meters tall with iron rods banged into the side of it which you use to climb up to the top like a ladder as they circle around the tree as you go higher.  Only one of us was demented enough to try it and whilst the legs coped okay my hands have blisters on them from grabbing and holding on so tight.  The person at the bottom was however unable to record this feat as she was unable to watch fearing she may have to witness my demise....... Unfortunately having succeeded to reach the top without calling for emergency medical assistance I looked out to see the stunning views over the tops of the Karri trees, the tallest trees in Australia and saw ' Smoke'.  What is it with our luck and views in this country?

When I return to Earth, having allowed several people on the way up to pass me, (Scary or what) my legs are somewhat 'Jelly' like and I am glad of the opportunity to sit down next to her of the Fairy Wren Hunting fame, who unsurprisingly has been photographing Fairy Wrens, only different ones from yesterday's......  

We eventually then undertake the Karri Forest Explorer drive, which starts off on a sealed road but moves onto a so called gravel road which eventually turns into a Dust road........ It's 48 klm during which we get to see some dried up waterfalls, some Rapids that are dribbling and a yabbie that has been caught within the first two hours of the yabbie hunting season by a group of locals who I would imagine will be too stoned to cook them later tonight.....

So we finish off going back to someone's favourite spot Berry Farm for a repeat of yesterday's photo session and a homemade Blueberry muffin for me, no luck with the Wrens but we see a parrot shoplifting and getting away with it and then, two, have a look at the last photo and see if you can work it out why.........

At the end of the day's activities, I pull into a garage to check the tyre pressures, OMG we look like we have been in some off road rally, the van is filthy, it's now brown, when the air pressure gauge is released from the tyre valve the excess pressure blows a cloud of dust in my face.  We are easily the dirtiest vehicle in town and the way the locals keep their cars clean, they are always out washing them, we are going to be an Embarrassment  until it rains and the chances of that are zero at the mo..........  I'm not sure how to cope with this but her next to me says don't worry, it'll be okay, it's easy to cope, after all, "I have to do it every day, when I'm out with you".........

    2hours into the season and I'm dinner.......

    Tree top view of smoke.......

   We are not the only visitor to Berry Farm and we make just as much mess....

    Why are there Alpaca's on a Berry Farm?

Surprise, Surprise and back to nature

We wake up and find one half of the sky is black, whilst the other is bright blue, then we find out about a really serious bush fire just up the road from us, where we had been on Tuesday.  The weather forecast for Bunbury is Sunshine and Smoke........  Every 15 minutes on the radio and half hour on the tv they give Fire warning updates, for some it is too late to evacuate and they are told to stay put and take active measures to protect themselves and their property.  Some who were told to escape to the beach have had to be ferried out by boats, it's not looking good for some......
We on the other hand had a set back ourselves with the $Au Travel Money Card we have been using, in that we have used the maximum allowed for a year, so cannot top it up, we now have to use a UK Debit card and pay the foreign transaction fees and bank charges etc......... So all transactions etc now to be conducted in cash........
Meanwhile I have been scheming and have come up with a cunning plan, I don't mention it but I ensure someone's camera battery is fully charged and set off towards our next destination, Pemberton.  En route we go through some really nice looking small towns with the requisite coffee establishments but we pass on by, she must sus this out, I'm thinking.........
At midday, TomTom lady says, "Turn right and you have reached your destination" at which little miss next to me sees the sign 'Lavender and Berry Farm', she now knows she is very likely to see 'The Superb Blue Fairy Wren'. We order pancakes and drinks and there is movement outside in the open garden, whoosh is it a plane, is it a train, is it Superman,  No it's two little legs moving so fast they are a blur as the BFW hunter is off with camera in hand........ I basically have coffee on my own, except I feel I ought to take a picture or two of the Fairy Wren now walking about on our table..........  The blueberry pancakes arrive with red berry sauce and ice cream, and neither of us can eat a whole one, I eat half and push the rest of the plate away from me further along the table, wait two minutes and I am ably assisted in finishing it by two birds called, silver eyes.

Someone is so happy she does not want to leave but does when I promise we will come back.

We check into the Camp Site and as we are driving to our site, both of us are thinking, this is different....... It's basically a clearing in the forest with some 1950 style toilets and showers, the only good thing is when I look at our fellow campers, I don't think many of them will use them.......  This is real camping, not motor homes, not caravans, half of them not even tents, it's swag style camping, lie on the floor in a sleeping bag with a mossie net over you and a zip to keep the snakes and spiders out....... The only real difference between these present day campers and the original 1950 campers, is our power site is not only providing us with a micro wave and air con but is recharging all the real campers iPhones........  The camp site has a swimming pool, we go and check it out, it's a wide part in the creek running alongside us with a concrete block damming it to cause the deep end.  It's brown water has dozens of leaves, paper bark and ducks floating about on it but the campers have rubber rings, inflatables and their dogs in it......... My thoughts are we let the leeches feed on someone else this time.......

We are 200kms from the fire but the sun has just turned a brown/orange colour from the smoke that has drifted our way from it.  Seeing how we are in the middle of a forest, I have been out and bought a large 2 litre bottle of water, just in case.......

    The Blue Fairy Wren

   Is this chair free....?

    I'm a Silver Eye, you have eyes bigger than your belly......

   The Lavender and Berry Farm, could be in Surrey.....

    Why is she out there?