Dilemma Day

The eyes are open, the brain engaged but nothing else wants to move or get up, it's miserable outside, it's grey, it's dull, it's damp, it's depressing and the forecast is for it to remain so for the rest of the week.  It's Australia Day tomorrow and there are so many flags on cars, on caravans, tents, houses they are everywhere and it could all be wasted as nearly the whole country is going to be wet according to the forecast.  However we come up with a plan.........
If it's going to be wet, we will try and clean the van.  Once it's wet, rub it over with a sponge and then let the rain wash the muddy loosened dirt off.  We are driving to our next destination, Bremer Bay, when it starts to rain, I pull over, ask for a sponge, jump out and start moving the mud about that's stuck to the bonnet and front doors, to put our plan to the test.  
Once back in the driving seat feeling decidedly damp we drive to the next town and stop for a coffee and to check out if the plan works.  We are looking for somewhere when we see a sign, 'Ravensthorpe Motel' it looks like they filmed 'Psycho' the film there.  We go past and find the most modern building in town is a Cafe, we go in, get in the queue of one and await being served.  The lady in front of us is obviously a local who is leaving town, having received her order the guy behind the counter gives her a hug, wishes her well and then shouts out to his colleague in the kitchen that Maureen is leaving.  Out comes a dead ringer for, you've guessed it, 'Norman Bates' it's uncanny, he gives Maureen a peck on the cheek and then returns behind the scenes......
It appears to us because this empty cafe now has a Camper Van parked in its drive, it encourages others to stop, because within 10 minutes the place has a queue of eight people, the counter man cannot cope and shouts he needs help serving, out comes Norman and assists as best he can.  Once everyone has been served and are seated, we notice that Norman comes from behind the counter and only approaches the females he has served, puts his arm around their shoulder and asks if everything is okay..........  That never happened with the first guy we say and look up to see Norman come out of the kitchen with a handful of knives and forks, time for us to leave..........
We notice as we get back to the van, ignoring the screams from the cafe, that the plan has worked and we appear now to be driving a zebra van........
We get to Bremer Bay information and are immediately disappointed as the Killer Whale tours have been put off until Saturday, we are due to leave Wednesday morning, I ask if we were to stay what else is there to do?  We are not overly encouraged when the girl replies, There is 'Mini Golf' and the 'Wind Turbine' walk........... She also mentions the Town museum.  Nearly every town has its own museum and they are dire........ A knife and fork found from 1861, a tractor, early agricultural equipment, musical equipment from 1857, a shearing shed, a blacksmiths workshop etc etc.
Depressed we check in and contact the Killer Whales rep asking if they have anything before Saturday, "No" she replies. 
Dilemma! Do we stay in this boring place for an extra three days making five in total or do we forgo the possible once in a life time experience?  I ask someone experiencing a crochet euphoric high moment, what she wants to do and am told, it's a lot of money, you go and I'll stay here for 8 hours......... Now dear reader what would you do?
What I did is book 3 extra nights in the Campsite and two seats on the Killer Whale tour.......
Guess who's Crochet euphoric moment went higher........
We then take a drive around and find a beach which is the local surfing beach, we stop and watch the boys playing in the waves until, Eeeeeeekkkkkkkk, that was crawling on my leg I am told, "Oh you drama queen, it's only an ant" I say, "Yes! She agrees before adding "But it's nearly two inches long" ......

    Norman Bates Motel

    Surfing Bremer Bay

    An Ant, albeit a big one.........

Every Sunday so far has been........

Just a little on the quiet side with not a lot occurring and today has been no different.
We take it easy and instead of having a second cup of tea before setting off we decide to go to the local cafe to sus out what they have for dinner tonight, to have a coffee and meet the grumpy lady according to some trip advisor reviewers.......
We are served by a charming English girl on her travels around the world, with decent coffee and conversation, we then speak to a more senior lady and are soon sharing a laugh with her too, so no bad review from me.......
Off to what the publicity machine would have us believe is one of the greatest National Parks in Australia, we are not holding our breath on that as we enter Fitzgerald River National Park.  It's Beach overload with bay after bay of white sand and turquoise blue and white breaking waves.  We stop at West Beach which has a small amount of sand but incredible rock formations, these rocks would you believe we're once part of Antartica before Australia broke away and is still now moving 10cm a year away from that cold place down South.  We are thinking of having lunch when we stop and talk to two women, now some of you may well be aware of my finicky attitude towards anything grubby and dirty especially where personal hygiene is involved, so I'm going to look at this next incident from both sides, theirs and mine. 
We are talking to the two women when their husbands walk up and start to talk to us as well, fine to start with but then I notice something and one of the men does something which makes me sort of jump, I refrain from squealing and we say our goodbyes.
Now from the Australian guys perspective he may have thought, those English people are a bit weird, or he was a bit rude, what sort of behaviour was that, why did he move like that and then suddenly say goodby and walk away?
From my perspective when he walked up and started talking, I saw a 3/4 inch bogie hanging from his nose, I was standing down wind from him when he suddenly touched his nose, knocked off the bogie which then flew in the wind straight onto meeeeeeeeee.  Thankfully once out of sight and my little girlie dance, my trusty giggling partner examined me several times before confirming nothing untoward was sticking to me.......
We stop at a so called beauty spot for lunch and find one lady sitting at a picnic table on her own, I get out and start a conversation to find her husband had left her here an hour ago whilst he has gone off on a walk, saying he will be back in half hour.  I look at the board and point out the walk is described as two hours return, so whilst she may have to wait a bit longer, he is probably okay.  Lunch is prepared and we sit at a different table just as her husband comes back, I'm not taking any more chances.........  We get talking and find that he would love to move to Spain and live on the Costa del Sol, he is 70yrs, has had a heart attack, has a house here worth the equivalent to £200,000, has failed to maintain his Maltese passport and is married to an Australian who definitely did not give us the same vibe as to moving countries, especially with her granddaughter living in Sydney.   It was hard but we were diplomatic in that we encouraged him it may be better to stay here and travel instead, one happy wife who thinks this is an appropriate time to leave.........at which two kangaroos come up, sniff us out and then are off to find something not so smelly.  Now it's a good job they never sniffed us about 2hours later as we found East Mount Barren, yep you have guessed it, a pointy up bit of land higher than the rest around it. Only one thing to do, climb it.  It's steep and possibly the worst path I have been on, it's all loose boulders but half way up and the sun has gone behind the high cloud, great perhaps I'll cool down a bit, then it suddenly feels cooler, I look up and the top is now starting to be covered in low cloud. Common sense takes over and I phone for a helicopter rescue....... Chance of having a signal would be a fine thing....... So whist it Galls me to say it, I never made it to the top, taking my safety rather than accomplishment as the priority.  Bet my Mum says, "Good Boy" after reading that bit.....
We get back to camp and find someone has parked their car on our site, I ask around but no one knows, so we park in front of it. 10 minutes later a big gruff angry looking man with biceps the size of water melons comes up to me, I'm looking at the fire in his eyes, his nostrils flaring when he goes to say something but before he can do so, I lift my sweaty armpit up, his flared nostrils pick up my manly macho half a mountain climb odour and he moves his car........

   The National Park local plant, Royal Hakea.

    One of the views from half way up East Mount Barren

    Australia being pushed away by the waves......

    Beach Overload and yet tomorrow we are going to be camping almost on another one.

There are Good Days, Bad Days, Good Days and then Today

This is it! The beginning of the end, today we start our journey back to Perth and the journey home.  Two weeks today and I'll be singing "Happy Birthday" to someone who will be starting a new decade and hopefully making breakfast.....
We head off early hoping to get to Hopetoun before everyone else, that way we can look at the two campsites and decide which is best.  There are two routes, one on the main South Coast Highway and the other on the scenic Southern Ocean Road, we decide on the latter after reading that the Scenic Southern Ocean Road was in the process of being sealed ten (10) years ago and checking the tourist maps of both routes which clearly shows the roads as a solid line, indicating they are a sealed road. Seventy Three (73) kilometres of sand, dirt, gravel later we get to Hopetoun an hour and half later than had we chosen the other route, why do I constantly believe the Australian publicity, why do they always exaggerate?
Again if you notice I used the word Scenic in describing the said route, that is some blatant plagiarism from the tourist brochure, Scenic my ar*e, it was the same old trees, shrubs, bush that we have seen all over Australia only on a white sand heavily rutted road. Road, that's a laugh, at best it could be described as a path, it was the noisiest most uncomfortable bone shaking journey either of us have ever undertaken.
Now just in case some of you think, God forbid, that I am prone to a slight bit of exaggeration, I should point out that, the lady next to me, proof reads every blog and if she does not agree with something, it gets discussed and then taken out, unless it's so obviously over the top only a dummy would take it as real, you know the sort of thing don't you!   So all that you read, well 99% is pukka and as soon as she has stopped shaking from today's journey I'll get her to proof read this so as to authenticate it as almost the truth........
We arrive in Hopetoun and go to the first Campsite, where we are greeted by a Jed Clampett impersonator only with a long grey pony tail, he can accommodate us, so we agree pay him and he calls his mate to take us to our site, whilst he books in two more Clampett look a likes......
We get to the site and the guide starts burrowing and scrambling about in the bushes looking for the electric supply, whilst telling us to watch out for one of the four poisonous snakes they have here........ He cannot find it so we go to another site and set up after declining a site next to some really sorry looking people, it's then as we look around we realise we are basically camping in the bush, it's just a piece of land that has had some trees cut down to make paths....... We decide being this close to nature is fine for two nights as we should be out all day tomorrow and go in search of the bathrooms, which we were told were "over there with the roof on".  A hillbilly male approaches us enquiring what we were looking for and for the next ten minutes, helps us with local knowledge and anything else we questioned, he could not have been more helpful or considerate if he had tried and had it not been for him spitting out his chewing tobacco, we would have invited him back for a drink..........
We go in search of the Seals and find them basking in the sun on the rocks just off the jetty, the sea is so clear you can see the bottom clearly at 20-25ft and the fish nibbling at the bait on the fisherman's  lines.
Next stop, coffee in the cafe we saw as we entered town, sorry Closed.  We walk further up and find a hardware shop with tables and chairs outside, a sign states coffee etc we go in and there is a young girl vacuuming and another lady sat eating a pizza at a table inside, I ask my tea total partner what she would like, "Orange Juice please" at which point we hear the lady eating the pizza say to us, "you can't, I don't have enough oranges"   Now you may want to skip the next two lines..... We turn around and see the half chewed contents of pizza lady's mouth and a piece of pizza escaping from her mouth hanging on her chin, whilst she is explaining, not enough people want fresh juice so she is going to stop doing them.  We turn away and notice everything to eat on display is cling-filmed, so subconsciously send each other subliminal messages, don't order anything, there's a good chance it's not fresh........  We have already asked for an iced coffee and a bottled drink, so I ask for a glass to drink the contents of the bottle from as we are going to be seated at a table, she replies whilst chewing "No but we have a straw"..........
We get back to camp via a walk along the beach and through the bush and check out the ablutions block, 'What the ......'  They are cleaner than a lot of others we have seen at this time of day, so I'm hoping I won't get called Stinky, tonight...........

    This is Whistling Rock, personally I think it's more Dog, than Dog Rock......

   The Australian Countryside...........

    Hopetoun Beach

    Basking Seals might get a visitor tomorrow with waterproof camera.

   Yesterday's Beach Kangeroo.

Oooooooooo! The Aussie's don't like the latest survey........

We awake as its so bright in the van, blimey have we over slept, No in fact it's only 6.20am but the sun is shining through the back curtains, that's a good omen I say as someone else buries her head under the sheet....  Watching Breakfast TV and they give the result of some Swiss survey about the best countries to live in, UK came 3rd whilst Australia came 6th........  They do not like it but only mention the beaches and the sun versus the English rain as to being their reasons, nothing about Culture, Sophistication, Country side, Comfort, Professionalism or the ability to buy whatever with ease without travelling miles. Yes I agree that in some of the cities there are some of the things I mention but in the main, in the Towns, no chance...... I for one would not give up the UK for Australia if Spain decided they did not want me, that is.
An example of what I mean is, in the publicity brochure for a beach that has been voted as having the whitest sand in Australia it states, " make sure you have a barista coffee on the beach at Lucky Bay with Lucky Bean Cafe". Now what sort of picture does that conjure up in your mind?
In mine and you would think I should have learnt by now, I had visions of a wooden building with an outside veranda overlooking the whitest sands possible, with several Costa Coffee type Baristas rushing around preparing meals, drinks in a comfortable dining environment, no not quite, we get the Aussie version:

Anyways we set off for Cape le Grand National Park, it's Sunny, it's dry and it's all on sealed road, whilst en-route we get to pass another publicised tourist attraction, Esperance Stonehenge, a replica of how it looked nearly Four thousand years ago, it's basically in a farmers back yard and it costs 10 dollars to have said look...... 

Just a bit further down the road we see this letter box:

We also see some stunning beaches, that in our opinion certainly on the day and it did rain yesterday, has whiter sand than lucky beach, what lucky beach did have was kangaroos on it, they were wild but obviously used to humans as they approached anyone who was eating and allowed you to pet them......
So after we had managed to stop giggling like school girls at the Barista Coffee Cafe had a walk along the beach we decided on lunch being at Frenchmans Peak, a Granite peak of 262m with a 'hole' cave passing through it at the top.  Only one of us wants to do the climb and so I set off on what is described as a gentle slope...... This gentle slope has my heart beating at 168 bpm and I am certainly puffing, it's the steepest lump of rock I have ever walked up, there is no path it's just a wall of rock, much more so than Javea's Montgo....... My heart beating at that rate was all due to the exertion and had nothing to do with the well endowed young lady in a bikini I met at the top......
We get back and go Sea lion and Seal hunting on the Great Ocean drive but fail miserably so with the prospect of going somewhere grubby for a drink we decide against it and go back to watch Friends on TV with a beer from the fridge, when I'm told in the nicest possible way, " You Stink " I forget the beer and shower instead............. 

    Frenchmans Peak

    Hellfire Bay

When you wish you had stayed in bed.....

The rain continued last night and whilst we did not have a power cut we did have what sound like 10 Hippopotamus dancing on our roof several times.
Now you know those mornings you wake up and the weather forecast is still heavy rain and you think what shall we do today and you then make a decision which at the time seems a good one but 8 hours later you are deeply regretting it and wished you had stayed home in bed, today was one of those days.........
The decision was based on the fact that there are two national parks in the vicinity, the nearer one being the better and more accessible and the forecast for tomorrow being dry, it made sense to do the further one today in the damp.......
No rush, we have all day, we may not get out of the van all day because of the rain I say but it's 130 kms away anyway.  Look it up on the map and decide on the route that has the biggest solid lines indicating sealed roads and off we go, with Leona Lewis singing to keep us company.
We go through the 15,000 kilometres in total so far mark with no problem, we go through the 100 kms from Esperance mark with no problem and are happily singing along to Leona when we see the reduce speed sign, as we are approaching road works.  No problem here as we have gone through this loads of times, the road works appear to be a re sealing job as we suddenly hit dirt, only its wider than the sealed road so, maybe they have problems out here I think.......
Now in the UK you normally have workmen, machinery, vehicles and CCTV cameras at roadworks on a main road, here there is nothing, I drive 10 kms on dirt, wet dirt soggy dirt and not a soul, this must be a big roadworks and everyone and thing is at the other end......
We start to hit ruts in the now mud, the steering becomes just slightly more in control of me at times than I care for and our speed is reducing. I can hear the quiet whispers of guidance being delivered to me calmly from the seat next to me, something along the lines of " DON'T STOP, KEEP MOVING, DON'T REV IT TOO MUCH, STAY AWAY FROM THE SIDE" like I say without a hint of panic, whilst I sitting there thinking, "Oh Shit!........."
And then we stopped............
Now in normal circumstances, best thing to do is put the kettle on and have a relaxing cup of tea, unfortunately, we did not do that, we tried to move forward and then tried to move backwards and what we actually did was dig holes with the wheels........  We are stuck!  No doubt about it this is going to take some sort of divine intervention or better still a tow truck......
I reach for my phone whilst the little angel that was sat next to me is turning into a muddy Sheila until I mention we have 'No Signal' and she becomes a filthy devil, I thought she was going to try the super human strength bit and lift us out.   With no regard for our safety and snakes sheltering from the rain, we start to drag broken branches and bracken from the road side and stuff it under the wheels and flattening the mounds of mud we had created whilst trying to get out.  It looks good so I tell the little devil to push whilst I drive and then if we get moving to run and jump in the van as I can't stop.......  
We start up and try going forward, move a good two inches and that's it, that's when I found out she was not pushing, she was in the passenger seat adding to the weight of the van.......
We start rocking the van backwards and forwards and after creating an indent of about 6 inches either side of the wheel, we suddenly move forward and out of the rut, after 20 minutes of stress a huge sense of relief floods our bodies we look at what's in front of us and the anguish floods straight back......
Just then two 4x4 Utes come blazing along, see us moving and give us the thumbs up before disappearing over the horizon........
After about another kilometre we see a sealed road up ahead, we continue and make it only to find it's about 30 yards long before disappearing and the road becomes dirt again.......
Decision time again, carry on or go back, kettle on or not, clean ourselves up or not........
Wash hands, turn around (at least we know what that bit is like) and will have tea later, the sooner we start the better, never mind the blood pressure.......
We're off and it's starts raining heavier, "No not now" I scream but we are doing well but both of us are thinking where was THAT spot and will we get passed it?  There it is and it's fair to say the van started to reduce speed, it did not travel in a straight line and there was no foul smelling odours inside the van but we got past the boggy bit, continued to keep moving until we found some tar-macadam again, pulled over and had a de stress lunch......
We get back to town and head for the nearest pub but it's typical Aussie, disgusting....... I grab a table with a view and have to brush the last persons food off of the chair, and even though the table is reserved for half five by four people for dinner, it's sticky, grubby and dirty with smeared wiped drinks and glass/bottle marks, Glug Glug, let's go back to camp site......
And so I find my self back on the bed thinking, should have stayed in bed today watching the news about the rain being particularly heavy last night and a Road Train that got stuck in floods nearby but wishing and hoping it will pour down again tonight as we have just won the dirtiest camper van in Western Australia prize....

    Just before we got stuck

   One of the stickers......

    Thumbs up

    Going through the puddles just prior to getting stuck and why we now have a brown van....

Rain stops play, part 2.

Pitter patter, Pitter patter most of the night and we awake to a grey morning, take our time and by the time we are heading for the Great Ocean Drive, backwards, it's beginning to brighten up.
We get to the pink lake but it's grey, no sunlight on it, get to our first beach and it's flat, dull and damp, however by the time we get to Twilight Beach the sun is beginning to win and the sea is becoming blue.  We stop and talk to a couple and then find out they know Javea well as they have a place out in Murcia, by the time we have finished discussing campsites and places to visit, the cloud has gone and we see Twilight Bay in all its glory, no wonder it won best beach in 2006......
We carry on doing the other 6 beaches, all of which Esperance is proud of before setting off to the Kepwari Wetland Walk Trail.  It's down a gravel road overlooking a lake so we stop here for lunch and although the sun has gone it's still bright.  Now officially birdwatchers are called 'Twitchers' and some conjure up the picture of 'Anorak's'.  Well all I can say is After this afternoon, I now have half membership to the club, so just call me Twit and boy could I have done with an Anorak..........
We set off in shorts, t shirt, sports sandals and camera, I leave the camera case with its built in waterproof cover in the van and after 35 mins of walking through what can only be described as dead bushland we come across  a bird hide and take a seat inside.  After a while there is quite a lot of activity on the lake, especially when two eagles fly overhead, never seen so many ducks poo themselves so rapidly....... And then, Pitter patter on the roof of the hide, I remember that sound I say and look at the lake to see it's raining, just slightly so a decision is made to wait it out before calling it a day and rearming to the van.
It starts to Thunder, it continues to thunder only now with lightning, the rain gets heavier, the sky gets darker and the noise on the roof gets louder........  We wait ten minutes and then decide it's got to be done, so camera up t shirt and out we go, it begins to ease, oh Thank you, Mother Nature and then, well if we had stayed in the hide we would now be deaf, it buckets down and continues to do so, not only for the next 20 minutes that it took us to get back to the van but an hour or so after that.  Once back to the van at least we could strip off, dry, change and hopefully save our electronics (cameras & phone).  The van is all steamed up so after a five minute blower on the Windows we realise we cannot see much further due to the amount of rain, however we start our journey along the gravel road which is now a mini river, we manage to climb up a small hill but then when we look down the other side there are huge channels now gushing with water, they weren't there earlier my co pilot states as we quickly drive to one side with two wheels basically in the bush and the van at an angle of at least 40 degrees...... We survive and find a sealed road, it's sealed but has no drains as it runs off into the lake so we are making waves so to speak until we join a main road.  Phew you might think, that's better as we did until you realise, that at this moment in time there are now basically only three types of driver on the road, 
1. Those driving as we were at a reduced speed, with care, but driving.
2. Those that have panicked and have simply stopped at the side of the road causing an obstruction to driver no 1.
3. The 4x4 moronic dickhead who belts about, mainly to the side of the road where the water is deepest so as to make the biggest splash possible........
It's just gone 4pm but I'm heading down the center of a two lane road making it one lane to somewhere I know we can park, hopefully not many people, we can have a drink and with luck dinner, we go to the bar in the Port, park up and give a sigh of relief as we venture out to get wet all over again.  It's an early dinner for us but the deluge turns into simple raining and then drizzle, we get back to camp and surprise surprise no one is using the laundry.  We soon put the machines to good use when it's starts thunder and lightning again, now we just hope the washing/drying cycle finishes before we have a power cut..........

    Our lunch time company.

    Dead bush walk

    Blue Haven

    Twilight Beach Rocks

Running from the Tain.....

We awake to find a new weather warning, heavy rain, thunderstorms and high wind, a quick decision is made, why hang around here......... And so the day is spent driving to Esperance, 480 kms East, it's our most easterly point apart from the National Parks outside of the town and tomorrows forecast is Thunderstorms.......... It not just us that's fed up with this wet summer the aussie's are definitely not pleased as its coming up to their National Holiday long weekend basically the equivalent to the UK's August Bank Holiday only called Australia Day!  
So booked in for 4 days expecting one day at least to be a damp and a quiet day......
The only good point about the rain is that the locals are hoping it will stop the morons who have been starting bush fires near here, as we drove here we could see miles and miles of burnt bushland that we had heard about earlier when we just missed the other big fire.
Now we have just seen the news and found out that Pemberton where we stayed in the forest and climbed those trees, has been deluged with rain last night and some areas flooded.  We are just keeping in front of any grief weather at the moment, hope it continues...... It should as the forecast for the holiday weekend is Sunny and 35 degrees, we can cope with that.......
Had to laugh at the sign on the inside of the doors in the toilets....... Apparently they have an international week where they have a lot of people from other countries come, some of whom have no idea how to use the loo and more toilet seats get broken in that week than the rest of the year.......
Had a quick look around Esperance and even though it's a Holiday resort, the the best beach in West Australia, it has four restaurants to choose from and one of those is a hotel restaurant, yes it has numerous Chinese restaurants, burger joints, fish and chip cafes and no end of different chicken fast food outlets etc but somewhere nice..... No wonder the locals love their BBQ's.....

  How to use the toilet......

    Esperance